Once upon a time, when my brother was about 6 or 7, he told our Mum he wished she was a real Mum. She asked him what he meant by that. He explained that he wished she was more like Shirley who lived around the corner, she was a real Mum because she was plump, wore a pinny and baked cakes. And I remember as a surly teenager, comparing my Mum to my friend’s Mum, wishing mine was less strict and more cool. Less of a nag and more fun.
But the truth is, of course, our Mum was a real Mum and a really fabulous, fun and cool one at that. A Mum devoted to us, who loved us and was loving, forgiving of our imperfections. She stood up for us and fought for us, she encouraged us, and pushed us. She was proud of us, our achievements, and the families we have now built with Andrea and Ross. She loved of her three grandchildren tremendously.
I remember my Mum teaching me to write my name for the first time. Me spelling out loud, sitting next to her, whilst she did the books for her coffee shop; “Coffee Corner” was on Front Street in Monkseaton, her own business, where she did in fact wear a pinny and she did bake cakes.
I remember her running behind my bicycle as I learnt to ride without stabilizers, encouraging me to never give up
We remember her proudly taking Bob and I to school, wearing our matching home knitted jerseys. I remember her helping us both with our times tables and reading. Encouraging us both at ballet and swimming, judo and football, sailing and horse riding, showing us we could do anything we put our minds to.
We remember the teenage years; strained, thanks to my love of slamming doors and raising my voice and Bob’s ability to pat her on the head , or worse lock her in the pantry when she nagged about un-eaten vegetables, un-tidy bedrooms, un-finished homework, and un-inspiring school reports.
We remember her little red polo, the car that she affectionately named Betty, which drove us all the way from Whitley Bay to Chelmsford when we, as a family moved to the South. My Mum had printed song sheets and boiled sweets in the glove compartment, and a bucket of goldfish between her knees, ready for our new adventure. Teaching us to be bold
I remember her taking us to our first day at our new school, bravely walking us in, when probably she was dying inside, nervous about the house move and the big decisions Dad and her had made. Showing us how to be brave
Moving houses is something we did a few times and
we remember the example she set each time, on making new friends and keeping them, how to be loyal, how to reach out to someone who was suffering, or lonely or sad. She taught us how to include everyone.
My Mum was possibly one of the smallest people that ever lived, but she had the biggest heart. She was empathetic to all, she saw good in everyone and she showed us that above all it is important to be kind and loving
She was a great auntie to her nieces and nephews… Little Auntie Jude as she was affectionately known. She has been described as the fun auntie, always the game starter at family gatherings. She was loyal and loving and she was proud of you all the family.
In fact many people adopted her as Little Auntie Jude…… the St Jo’s first IV as an example. Strapping lads that would pick her up and swirl her around, to a chorus of "haway man!"
The fun Mum who shuttled the boys around, allowed many a sleep over and was often called to fetch them from the Pub when they were probably supposed to be elsewhere.
She was dedicated to our pets, had them perfectly trained, even the budgie Billy. She was seen regularly walking Gemma & Suzie through Capel St Mary……and was sometimes even seen chasing my pony…
She could be an embarrassing mum too. Singing and dancing in public, reciting poetry at the dinner table. Calling for the manager in Sainsburys and demanding more tills to be opened. Or nipping down the wrong way on a one way street, to get a good parking space.
We will remember Mum as a fabulous Gran. Eagerly knitting booties and bonnets, whilst she awaited for the arrivals of her grand children. She was so proud of Ollie, Grace and Harper. When they were small, she spent hours playing games with all three, Shopping seems to have been a popular ‘lets pretend’. But we all know Mum wasn’t pretending. She really loved shopping, unable to pass a gift shop or market stall by without spending her money…. Or our Dads.
In particular, mum had a soft spot for kitchen gadgets, many of which we now have no idea what they are for or what to do with them.
Once Grace was old enough, she loved going real shopping with Gran, to go in town and try things on, Gran enjoying spoiling her and letting her buy things her Mum and Dad might say no to. Grace, she loved to watch you cartwheel and flic flac and was so proud of her little gymnast.
When Ollie was small Gran took him to her art class, where he loved to draw and paint surrounded by Mum’s grey haired friends, all fussing over him and helping him learn about perspective and brush strokes, something he is really great at today and she was proud of you Ollie, not just for your talent as an artist but for the young man you are becoming.
Mum herself was a very modest artist and her own worse critic, however she produced some incredible pieces that proudly hang in our homes.
As Mum’s illness progressed she found reading more and more difficult, yet still took time to read Harper a bedtime story via Facetime, even though the words swirled and swam on the page.
She missed Harper dearly when she was here in the UK and longed for their special times, which included eating Gran’s special breakfast together
We will remember how alienated she felt by her deafness and recognize how brave she was in the face of her disability. How many jokes she missed out on, how much information she didn’t get and how many stories she didn’t understand because she couldn’t hear.
We will remember how she also loved Fish & Chips by the seaside, a good curry with friends, a secret chocolate éclair and a nice cup of tea.
We will remember how she was happiest when we were all together on holiday or at home for Christmas
We will remember how my mum fiercely loved her friends, how she was a true and loyal, she always had time to listen, often out at coffee with the girls. She was great at staying in touch, she remembered not only birthdays and anniversaries but would turn up unexpectedly if someone was having a hard time.
Since her passing these friends have reminded us of lots of memories of Mum organizing parties, dressing up, acting out skits, reading poems, dancing on tables. Reminding us who she was, before responsibilities of being our Mum slowed her down.
And most of all we will remember her relationship with our Dad, how they have loved each other for 50 years… And although she always joked that if Paul McCartney came along, she’d be off… Dad and her were a true example of dedication, compromise, support and loyalty, tolerance and understanding, acceptance and forgiveness. Literally for richer and poorer, and in sickness and in health.
Our Mum was the greatest supporter of our Dad, she was his biggest fan from watching him tear around the rugby field to his successes in London and New York. She believed in him and took care of most things so he could work and provide a beautiful life for us all. And Dad, we are so grateful
Back in June Mum was home with us, for their 48th wedding anniversary. On this day she was lucid, really bright and full of beans and understood the occasion. We watched as Mum and Dad wished each other happy anniversary, laughing and loving each other, amazed at the length of time they’d been together.
And we will remember in the last weeks, when mum struggled to speak and all she could manage were the words “love” and “forever”. How many times Bob and I witnessed my Dad telling her he loved her and she whispering back “forever”.
And that’s it, isn’t it? In the end all there is, is love. Families imperfect in their own way held together by love. Years of ups and downs, life’s hardships and hurts overcome by love.
We will remember that in the end Mum was home with her family, her favorite place.
With Dad, Bob and I tag teaming, sitting with her, holding her hand and with Andrea, Ollie and Grace making regular appearances and administering cuddles, even Woody their puppy was part of the care team. Harper and Ross face timed daily from 5000 miles away, waving and blowing kisses.
She was surrounded by nothing but love.
The endless love that Mum gave her family and friends
And our endless love of our amazing, kind, caring, fun, little, real mum…. FOREVER
